Something to offend everyone.

[Todd Rivers]

Gundog has passed me in the amount of posts and im last on the first page. With AJG posting 350+ in his first six weeks, he will reach 500 before me, so i've decided (in my boredom-im at home with an injured knee) to post offensive jokes in this thread until i hit 500.


Starting with:

Q: Whats the best form of birth control after 50?

A:Nudity

[Todd Rivers]

Q: Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: About 30 kilos

Q: Whats the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: About 30 mins

[Todd Rivers]

Q: How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

Q: Whats the fastest way to a mans heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

[Todd Rivers]

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They cant handle criticism.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because they already have boyfriends.

[Todd Rivers]

Q: What do men and floor tiles have in common?
A: If they're laid properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life

Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of ever marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

[Todd Rivers]

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mum!

[Todd Rivers]

Q: How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
A: Dogs close their eyes while humping your leg.

Q:Why did God create alcohol?
A: So ugly people could have sex too.

[Todd Rivers]

Q: How do you know when you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you "Lets just be friends"

Q: Why dont bunnies make noise when the copulate?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

[Todd Rivers]

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her boobs?
A: Her belly-button.


Q: What has heaps of balls and screws old ladies?
A: a bingo machine

[Todd Rivers]

Q: What three words define "small"?
A: "Is it in?"

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you