The best one ive ever heard
Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 12:38 am
Hi all,
I had this one saved, it's simply the best joke ive heard since school age.
The Tax office decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough officer in the office. The officer is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor. The officer says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Tax Department finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a demonstration?" The officer thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!" Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand ponds that I can bite my own eye."The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it. The officer's jaw drops.
Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye." The officer can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned officer now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the officer's desk. The officer leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win.
Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the officer asks.
"Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it!"
I had this one saved, it's simply the best joke ive heard since school age.
The Tax office decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough officer in the office. The officer is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor. The officer says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Tax Department finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a demonstration?" The officer thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!" Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand ponds that I can bite my own eye."The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it. The officer's jaw drops.
Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye." The officer can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned officer now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the officer's desk. The officer leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win.
Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the officer asks.
"Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it!"