RAW COMEDY

[todd182]

once again just letting everyone know that i am taking part in raw comedy (stand up comp) again this year, made the semi's last year trying to go one better.

got a bit of new material, im not expecting anyone to rock up if goes well ill have another clip on youtube, just like people to know im still getting gigs.

my heat is on the 22nd of jan, at the rhino room at 8pm tickets $10 at door.

thats all!

[Renee]

BUT ITS POKER NIGHT THAT NIGHT TODD!!!!!!!

[todd182]

it poker night every night. trust me if i was doing stand up i'd be sitting at the table. dont come and just assume it'll go well.

[Brett Kay]

Kick ass Todd. WIsh i was there, i would be the heckler in the crowd.

Best of luck, but if you make the finals in Melbourne, i will be the one with a plane ticket and being at the Hall, last time i went was pretty awesome.

[Bob B]

once again just letting everyone know that i am taking part in raw comedy (stand up comp) again this year, made the semi's last year trying to go one better.

got a bit of new material, im not expecting anyone to rock up if goes well ill have another clip on youtube, just like people to know im still getting gigs.

my heat is on the 22nd of jan, at the rhino room at 8pm tickets $10 at door.

thats all!

Well, well, well, the old Rhino room huh!! I guess we get the "point", LOL.

By the way did you know there are two types of rhinos Todd???? One is called a black Rhino but it's not really black. And the other is called a white Rhino but it's not really white!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately I believe the white Rhino was wrongly named by the white settlers as it actually has a WIDE MOUTH. So, when the white guy asked the natives what do you call that one they said "Wide mouthed Rhino".

Unfortunately they missed the full interpretation and assumed they said white, so other one has to be a black Rhino and that's how it has been ever since.

I've probably stuffed this up but I'm sure there will be a few white Rhino's (wide mouths) who are more than happy to correct my findings or replying to my interpretations.

[Brett Kay]

bob, Wat?

Seriously there are a few new breeds of rhino out there, by all means keep an eye out for the spearmint rhino, always up for a party but at a price.

[todd182]

what is this turning into????? thanks for the support anyway bob and brett

[troyh]

Tell us a joke!

[Nevah play JJ]

Todd..
Did you by chance play at The Aussie Hotel one Friday night?
I think middle of last year.

I ask because I remember sitting next to a bloke who was a comedian also, seemed like a good bloke.

Good luck for your night!

[Bob B]

Sorry to say this on the forum JJ but Todds not funny, not even funny at the table. I keep telling him to try macrame or knitting as a part time thing to keep himself amused. But he just doesn't want to listen to me.

THE FOLLOWING STORY MAY OFFEND READERS WHO HAVE VERY LITTLE HUMOUR OR ARE UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSONAL EXPERIENCES DUE TO UNFORSEEN PAIN CAN ALSO BE FUNNY. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

Pronunciation DIS-CRE-TION
–noun 1. the power or right to decide or act according to one's own judgment; freedom of judgment or choice: It is entirely within my discretion whether I will go or stay.


This is probably not the time or place to air my personal experiences but as I've said to you before. I find most funny things are based on personal experiences and can at times help people see the funny side of things.

So, Todd, did I ever tell you about the time I had a rash in my groin area?

Well if I didn't I will. I was working for Chas at Sprint auto parts (I was his collection agent redeeming payments regarding bad cheques from some of his customers) there's another story there too.

Anyway it was summer and I was hot and I had this rash. So, I rang the missus (she's a clinical nurse) and asked her "where do you keep the disinfectant"? Under the sink was her reply and asked me why and laughed, then hung up.

So, I go to the cupbard and the first thing I see is a bottle of "AMWAY DISINFECTANT" yep the good old Amway Disinfectant was right there in front of everything.

So, off with me dacks and the jocks and armed myself with a big wad of cotton balls (bad thoughts coming back already ) I proceed to dab the sore rash and just in case I did the genitalia (sic) area too just for good luck.

Within minutes there appeared to some warmth building up in that area to the point where it began to sting really, really, friggin bad. Back on the phone to missus asking her what the hell is this stuff she suggested I use?

When she asked what did I use she broke into uncontrolable laughter. I said "what's friggin wrong with you why are you laughing?" She's still laughing and telling her offsider who also breaks into hysterical laughter and says, "did you read the bottle? it says concentrate your supposed to dilute it silly?" And continued friggin laughing and then another one of her cohorts gets told and all I can hear is friggin laughter.

In the meantime my stinging sensation became a burning one as I hung up the phone and proceeded to get a cold flannel and try to subdue the agony with this burning sensation in my NUT-ERNAL area.

Needless to say when she arrived home with her friend (for support me thinks) they are still laughhing as they came inside. They wanted to see what had happened. Being nurses and seeing the funny side of things I wasn't prepared to share my genitalia to just anyone and told em to piss off.

After some time and trying various cold creams I noticed the soreness was barable provided I didn't wear my jocks. Of course by this time all of our friends were fully aware of my plight and dropped in for a viewing and a good laugh on me.

Well, after a closer inspection everything in that area was whitish and I realised I had burnt the skin. When Donna rang Chas the next morning to say I wouldn't be in for a few days he asked WHY?

Well after they stopped laughing and Chas had told everyone within the shop I was nick named SNOW BALLS for obvious reasons. Mind you the old fella went into retirement or hibernation for quite some time as he was under stress too.

If I have embarrassed anyone on the forum besides myself I appologise but I do hope you can use it in some way Todd, LOL