Grand Final Countdown - "Shuffle up and Deal!"

[thelaw88]

Nice one trishan - I disagree with #3 though!!

[kentishgirl2010]

Downloaded this, to find it was a GODDAMN POLISH COPY.

/wrists.

Where's Vic when you need her?

I can translate......for a small fee of course

[Garth Kay]

Trishan,

That is BY FAR your best post ever and ranks in my TOP 5 of all time posts.

wp sir!!

[bennymacca]

good work trishan

[AceLosesKing]

Ahahahahaha.

I love it

[trishan]

8 Days to Go

8 Types of Players You'll Meet on GF Day

1.) The Wannabe
We all know this player. He wears a hoodie, sunglasses and listens to an Ipod. He is adorned with Full Tilt or Pokerstars gear which he purchased off Ebay. He doesn't smile much or talk - everything is serious business. He has a firm grip on chip tricks having mastered the art in his countless spare time due to unemployment. He takes his time to make decisions. He will stare you down for 2 minutes before finally and painfully folding his K7s to your all-in raise preflop.



2.)The Nice Guy
Usually a middle-aged gentleman who is retired or near retirement. Everybody knows who he is. Everywhere he walks people will greet him and comment on what a nice guy he is. He is not a particularly good poker player but loves talking to people and making friends. He gets knocked out early but hangs around to watch everyone. If he's on your table you feel guilty when you take his chips, which is easy as he overvalues any pair.



3.) The Hot Chick
She uses her good looks to her advantage. She dresses up, has her nails done and usually smells nice. Some cleavage and flirting is essential to her success. Everyone at the table thinks she is dead money but little do they know she is a killer in disguise. She is a pro at shuffling cards which is usually an indicator that she is better than people think. The guys think shes cute until they lose a big pot to her and then she's not so attractive anymore. On the final table she sips a tequila sunrise while her husband or boyfriend watches from the sidelines, having been eliminated early on Day 1.



4.) The Drunk Guy
This guy will be talking to his mates about the GF everyday in week prior. His Facebook status on Friday night reads "Ready for a weekend of poker and beer! Yeh!". He has his first drink at 9AM. By the third level he is clearly drunk. The players to his left and right can smell the alcohol on his breath. It's all down hill from there. He chases back door flushes and straights and lets out an almighty groan when he misses, like somebody offended his family. He stares at the board long after the hand is complete, that really sucked - he needs a drink.



5.) The Old Lady
She's happy to get out of the house and really doesn't want her day to end early so she plays tight passive. She never raises pre-flop nor does she call a raise if she limps. Someone says, "You're quiet over there." She smiles and tells them she is waiting for a good hand. Blinds are on the up and her stack dwindles. Left with only a few big blinds, she puts her last chips in with any ace and loses. She wishes everyone luck and leaves the table - are there pokies at this venue?



6.) The Strategists
Usually come in pairs on tables, these players will talk about the details of every hand long after it has finished. They'll discuss what the players involved had and whether they would raise in the situation or just call. They are so engrossed in conversation about a past hand that you have to remind them when it's their turn to play. They just glance at their hand, fold and keep on chatting about it. Then on the break they will meet up with their friends and continue to discuss hand details. Weeks after the GF, they'll be in the shower when they finally decide that folding was the best play. They wait till their local game the following day to share their thoughts with their fellow players.



7.) The Online Kid
Plays heaps of volume online. Has been grinding the micro stakes for some time. Doesn't play much offline - had to cram his 10 away games into the last few weeks before the GF in order to play. Needless to say he won his seat in the online MQF. He finds it hard when stack and pot sizes are not available. He refuses to tell people his username because he is sure he has abused/insulted someone. He is tilted by how slow the old lady and the drunk guy deals. Often wonders why so many people call his 2.5xBB preflop raise so when he gets AK in middle position raises 10xBB. Ace on the flop and he shoves to protect his hand but unfortunately for him the villain flopped two pair with J6o (his lucky hand).



8.) The Gun
He owned the Dream Team scoreboard. Everyone has him in their fantasy poker team. Won multiple seats to the GF. Wears a Team 888PL or Mistress Poker shirt and has an 888PL card protector. You can always find him playing 888PL games online. You often wonder if he has a job or if he has to report his poker profits to the ATO. He's likely to be on this forum. One day he will cash in the WSOP. Watch out for this guy at the GF, he will be hard to beat.

[BionicMike]

Thanks for keeping me entertained Trishan! Nice post!

[sahara1]

trishan... stick to the comedy, this is PURE GOLD mate!!!!

great work

[Bacon]

I'll PM you who I think each are

[trishan]

LOL I think you can fit into more than one category - I am part Wannabe (wore a Pokerstars shirt at the last GF LOL) and part online kid.