Jokes - post the funny stuff here!

[xtal]

Never underestimate a Dad.


I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

hahahahaha - loves it

[bennymacca]

corey_smoking.jpg (45.23 KiB) Viewed 702 times

[kentishgirl]

Big Pete is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes.

The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just
testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
special about it?"


Big Pete explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me
telepathically."


The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I
am wearing panties!''


Big Pete smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's
running about an hour fast....can I buy you a drink?"

Good attempt at a cheesy pick-up line, I reckon you would either get a slap or a laugh for your creative efforts ......smooth Pete

[BigPete33]

I'm not sure what's funnier...

Dave substituting my name into that joke, or you believing it

[SwedishChef]

"It's A Monk's Life"


A young monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the Church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R !"
"We missed the R !"
"We missed the R !"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
"We missed the R...the word was...


...CELEB R ATE !!!"

[bennymacca]

nice first post SwedishChef

[SwedishChef]

Thank you...I figured that I may as well set the bar for my postings...

[bennymacca]

Thank you...I figured that I may as well set the bar for my postings...

trust me, the bar doesn't have to be set very high for posting to this forum

[BigPete33]

lol, nice work

[Origami]

Hi JACK and Swedish Chef....


Attn Swedish Chef...

got any Bad Beat stories that benny the cunt might b able to laugh at ..

or

give you some advice on how to play them....