Jokes - post the funny stuff here!

[bennymacca]

Fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F

[Origami]

A Man and his Mate [who was Dwarf] walk into a Bar the Bartender asks How are we all doing ?..

The Dwarf replies . I'm not Happy //

[Sinitster]

:D

A Man and his Mate [who was Dwarf] walk into a Bar the Bartender asks How are we all doing ?..

The Dwarf replies . I'm not Happy //

/still on floor

[TheShadz]

Two Woodpeckers...

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.


The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:


Apparently,Tiger Woods was right when he said - your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

[TheShadz]

Fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F

haha

[Todd Rivers]

The Brisbane Lions recruits a 200cm-tall Kenyan for the 2010 AFL season.
He's very athletic but has no football experience, so they decide to put him in the forward line.
at the first training session, coach Michael Voss gets all the forwards together to go through the game plan......
"Brisbane man get ball in midfield" he says very slowly, "Run towards Brisbane man. Brisbane Man kicks ball to you. You catch ball."

The Kenyan man rolls his eyes and says, "Mr.Voss, I can speak perfect english sir"

Vossy sighs and says "Yeah, I know that, I was talking to Fev."

[Sinitster]

^^^ Nice one ! !

[Jarrod]

Balloons

A Family of balloons went camping
so the little balloon can have some independence
his father set up his own tent for him to sleep in.

During the night the little balloon got scared and went to his parents tent

he tried to get in the tent but couldn't fit
so he took some air out of his mum
but still couldn't fit
so he took some air out of his dad
but still couldn't fit
so he then took some air out of himself.
he was able to fit and was nice and cozy when his dad woke him up and said...

Son i'm very disappointed in you

Not only did you let me and your mother down
You let yourself down as well

[Sinitster]

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes - caffeine."

"Have you ever been in the military service?
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says,"That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says,"Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me
to hire you right now.

Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00AM - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.,
why don't you want me to here until 10:00 A.M.?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just
stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

[maccatak11]

I once met a guy with five dicks.
So i asked him how do his pants fit.

He says 'like a glove'